Equipping the Frontline
Resources for Orphanages
Practical guidance for preparing children, educating parent(s), matching, bonding, and supporting families through every stage of adoption — drawn from real experience on the ground in Nigeria.
A note before you begin: these are general guidelines meant to assist, not rules set in stone. They come from real experience — things we've found genuinely helpful and successful along the way — but every orphanage and every child is different. Use your own good judgement alongside this guidance.
1. Preparing the Child
- Talk to children honestly, at their level, about what adoption means. Never let a child discover they're being placed with a family without warning.
- Keep clear, honest records for every child: how they came to the orphanage, their age, health history, and any known family background. This becomes precious information for their future parent(s) — and for the child themselves, one day.
- Keep a "baby book" for every child in your care, the same way an intentional parent would. Photograph and write down each milestone — first steps, first tooth, first haircut, first solid food, every birthday. Hand this book to the adoptive parent(s) when the child goes home. It fills in years the parent(s) didn't get to witness, and it becomes something their child will treasure forever.
- Keep what the child was wearing on the very first day they arrived. This one outfit becomes their true link back to their birth family — you don't need to keep everything they've worn since, as children outgrow clothes quickly and that becomes too much to store. Alongside this, hold onto a few of the child's favourite personal items, not because they need something extra to wear, but simply because something familiar helps a child feel settled when they leave the orphanage for their new home.
- It is strongly advised that you prepare an older child emotionally for the idea of a new family, at their own pace. Excitement and fear can sit side by side in a child's heart — both are normal, and both deserve space.
2. Educating Prospective Parent(s) Before Matching
- Hold a get-to-know session with parent(s) you've already vetted and consider a good fit for a child in your care. This is your chance to meet them face to face and sense whether this could truly be a good match.
- Keep the session warm and open — encourage parent(s) to ask their own questions too, not just answer yours, and to raise every hard question or honest concern they have. An adoption is far more likely to thrive when nothing was left unsaid at the start.
- Teach parent(s) why telling their child about their adoption early matters, and how to do it. See our full guide on this →
- Teach parent(s) how to respond to people around them who oppose or question the adoption.
- Prepare parent(s) for the harder realities: grief, loss, trauma, attachment difficulties, and how to legally secure their child's place in the family for the future — including in their will, so the child's inheritance rights are never in question, no matter what happens.
- Make sure parent(s) understand the practical steps ahead: registering their child in school if they're school-age, and registering with a family clinic, ideally one with a paediatrician.
- Gently prepare parent(s) for something many people don't expect: feeling low, overwhelmed, or even a little lost in the weeks after their child comes home is real and surprisingly common — not a sign that anything has gone wrong. If those feelings don't lift, encourage them to talk to a counsellor rather than carry it alone.
- Encourage parent(s) to dedicate their child in church as soon as they're able — a beautiful way to introduce their child to their community.
- Help parent(s) begin general preparations for their child's homecoming early, and more specific ones the moment they know their child's age and sex.
3. Matching Children With Parent(s)
- Match based on the child's needs first, not only the parent(s)' preferences. A good match considers the child's temperament, age, and any special care they may need.
- Be fully honest with parent(s) about a child's history and needs before matching, not after. Surprises discovered after placement can break trust and hurt both the child and the parent(s).
- Encourage flexibility from parent(s) about age and sex — the more flexible you are, the sooner you're likely to be matched with a child. Rigid preferences often mean a longer wait for you, and they also mean certain children — especially older ones — wait far longer for a home.
- Once you're confident you have a genuinely good fit, bring the child in, well-presented and at ease, to meet the prospective parent(s). Watch the parent(s)' body language closely in that moment — it often tells you, more honestly than words can, whether this truly is a good match.
- After a match is made, give parent(s) the option of an independent medical examination at a mutually agreed hospital, so they feel fully confident about their child's health.
4. Facilitating Bonding
- Set a clear bonding timetable with the parent(s), and hold both sides to it. Consistency during this period matters enormously for the child.
- Remember that bonding time is not one-size-fits-all — a baby generally needs less time to bond than an older child. Build extra time into the schedule for older children rather than rushing them.
- Encourage parent(s) to bring photographs of themselves to place by the child's bed during bonding, so the child begins to feel familiar with their new family before moving in.
- Give parent(s) honest, detailed coaching on the child's personality, routines, comfort habits, favourite foods, and what soothes them. The smaller the detail, the more it can help in the first weeks at home.
- Shortly before the child goes home for good, arrange for them to spend a full day at the parent(s)' home, accompanied by their closest caregiver from the orphanage. This tells the child: it is safe here. Because a familiar face is right there with them, the child stays comfortable — and by the time they move in permanently, it is no longer a strange place. It is somewhere they already know, and where they've already felt at ease.
- Send the child home with a few of their favourite toys, clothes, and personal effects — even a favourite plate or cup, if that's what brings them comfort. Explain clearly to the new parent(s) why these things matter and should be kept, not tidied away or thrown out. These familiar items help a child settle far faster into a new home, and parent(s) will thank you for insisting on this later.
- Send the child off with a proper suitcase or bag of their own, holding these belongings and all necessary documents — not a plastic bag. This is their move into a new life, and it deserves to feel like one.
5. The Homecoming Day
- It's entirely up to the parent(s) how big or small this day is — a quiet, simple homecoming is perfectly fine, if that's what they prefer. What matters is this: it should never be a day to sneak in and out in shame or secrecy from the orphanage. There is nothing to hide here. This is a great step toward growing a family — a step pleasing to God.
- Encourage parent(s) to bring a few drinks and snacks, so they can share a small celebration — praise, worship, and prayer — with your staff before leaving with their child. However a child comes into a home, it is a moment worth celebrating.
- Remind parent(s): in our culture, a child is never welcomed in silence. Children are celebrated, not hidden. Encourage them to carry that spirit home with them.
6. Supporting the Family Through Transition
- Check in with the family regularly after placement. The first few months at home are when families most need honest answers and real support.
- Remain a resource the family can call with questions, even long after the adoption is legally finalised.
- Encourage new parent(s) to connect with other adoptive families and community support, rather than facing every challenge alone.
- Prepare parent(s) for a real and common experience: children who spent time in an orphanage may hoard food, cry in ways that seem to have no cause, resist affection at first, or need much more repetition and patience than expected before they feel secure. None of this means the adoption isn't working — it means a child is slowly learning that this new home is safe, and that takes time, sometimes months.
- Encourage parent(s) to keep things simple and predictable at first — the same routines, the same faces, the same small comforts, repeated daily. Predictability, more than anything else bought or planned, is what helps a child begin to trust.
7. Recordkeeping and Documentation
- Keep a complete, secure file for every child — medical history, legal documents, and their full story — for as long as they are in your care. Once a child leaves with their new family, hold onto a copy of that same file in your own archive, rather than discarding it. Grown adoptees sometimes return years later, needing exactly this information about their own early life — and you may be the only place it still exists.
- Make sure paperwork is fully in order before matching begins. Delayed documentation is one of the most common reasons families wait longer than they should.
8. Protecting the Process
- We at Dignity in Adoption believe every child is a free gift from God to a parent, and there should never be a monetary exchange for a child. We recognise that running an orphanage involves real administrative costs — but in our experience, these are genuinely minimal and can usually be absorbed by the orphanage itself. If you do choose to charge an administrative stipend, be transparent about it, and never accept unofficial payments outside your registered fee structure. This is exactly the kind of practice that fuels suspicion of fraud, and damages trust in legitimate orphanages like yours.
- Work only through the proper Ministry channels for every placement, without exception — even when a family is eager to move faster informally.
9. Changing the Narrative
- Speak about the children in your care with the same dignity you would want for your own child. Language shapes how an entire community comes to see adoption.
- Encourage adoptive families to celebrate their child's homecoming in whichever way they deem fit, rather than bring them home in secrecy and shame. Orphanages that gently encourage this are helping shift Nigeria's culture of secrecy around adoption, one family at a time.
Have a Tip From Your Own Experience?
This guide grows stronger with real, on-the-ground experience. If you run or work at an orphanage and have something to add, join our mailing list below and simply reply to any of our emails — we personally read every message, and use what we learn to make this guide better.