Answers to Your Adoption Questions

No. Nobody is asking you to be a millionaire. What matters is that you can care for a child — a stable home, steady work, and enough to meet their needs. You will be asked to show proof of income, but "rich" was never the requirement.

This is a hard one, and we won't pretend otherwise. If you are married, the law requires your spouse's written consent. Without it, the adoption cannot move forward. If your spouse is unsure rather than firmly against it, talk it through. Fear often hides behind objection — and fear can be addressed with honest conversation, information, and sometimes counselling.

You must be at least 25 years old, and at least 21 years older than the child. If you are single, you must be at least 35.

There is no fixed cut-off age in the law. But if you are older — say, past 40 — expect more questions during your assessment. The court simply wants to know you can raise the child well into their adulthood.

Yes. This is called relative adoption, and Lagos State recognises it. It still goes through the full legal process and needs a court order, even though the child is already yours by blood.

A child who has been abandoned, orphaned, neglected, or legally given up by their birth parent, and who a court or welfare authority has declared free for adoption. A child cannot simply be handed to you informally — the law protects the child by making sure they are truly free to be adopted.

Generally, no. Lagos State law says both you and the child must live in Lagos before the court can grant the adoption order. There is a special interstate route, but it needs a licence from the Attorney-General, and it's rare. If you live outside Lagos, it will usually be much simpler to start the process through your own state's Ministry of Social Welfare instead. If you do live in Lagos and want the full step-by-step process, see our How to Adopt in Lagos State → page.

There is an administrative fee paid to the Ministry, but the exact amount is not published anywhere and it changes from time to time. Beyond that fee, your total cost also depends on legal fees, medical checks, and paperwork. Because this changes so often, the safest thing is to contact the Ministry of Youth and Social Development directly for the current figure.

Most local adoptions take somewhere between six months and two years. A big part of that time is the fostering (bonding) period the court requires before it will finalise anything — around three months in Lagos, though other states ask for longer. Court schedules can also add time.

No — and this catches a lot of people by surprise. Adoption is handled state by state, not nationally. Lagos has its own law. So does Rivers, Enugu, Kano, and every other state. What is true in Lagos will not always be true somewhere else. Always confirm the rules for the specific state you're adopting in.

In Lagos State, not usually — many people go through the Ministry of Youth and Social Development and complete the whole process without one. Outside Lagos, the process is often less clear, so it's wise to work with a lawyer who knows your specific state's rules.

Yes — but read this first. Getting an adoption approved in Nigeria is one thing. Bringing that child to live with you in another country is a separate, often harder step, and every country has its own rules about it. Right now, some countries have real concerns about adopting from Nigeria — the United States, for example, has openly told its citizens to think twice, because of ongoing fraud and poor record-keeping in parts of the system, and most Nigerian cases that reach final approval there are being turned down, not accepted. Nigeria is also not part of the Hague Convention, the international agreement that gives some countries' adoptions an extra layer of outside checking.

Before you commit any time or money to this journey, search the official government website of the country you live in for their current position on adopting from Nigeria. Rules change, and this one search could save you years of heartbreak.

There's something even more serious to know: there have been real, documented cases in Nigeria of fake orphanages and "homes for unwed mothers" that were actually fronts for buying and selling children. This is exactly the kind of practice that gives adoption a bad name here — and exactly what Dignity in Adoption exists to fight. A real, lawful adoption never involves buying a child, under any name, from anyone.

If you live abroad and want to adopt from home: work only with a licensed agency and a lawyer you trust, ask hard questions about where a child came from, keep receipts for every payment, and expect real time in Nigeria as part of the process — often a year or more. Going in informed protects you and the child.

No. Once the court finalises the adoption, the birth family's legal rights end permanently, and you become the child's legal parent for life. This is exactly why finalising the adoption properly matters — it's what makes your family safe under the law, not just in your heart.

Once the adoption is finalised, it is treated as permanent — the same as if the child were born to you. It is not something you can simply undo. If you have real doubts, speak to an adoption counsellor honestly, and speak early — before the adoption is finalised, not after.

Fostering is temporary. You care for a child, but you don't become their legal parent. Adoption is forever — once the court grants the order, you are the child's parent under the law, exactly like a biological parent, with the same rights, including the right to pass on your name and property.

We're honest about where we stand: we advocate for adoption. A child who needs a family already exists — right now, in an orphanage or in someone's care. Surrogacy brings a new child into the world while children who are already here are still waiting for homes. That's our conviction, and it's why this movement exists.

That said, not everyone is called or equipped to adopt — and that's alright. Adoption takes a particular kind of grace, and it isn't for everyone. Some people will choose surrogacy instead, and that is their choice to make. Our hope is simply that more Nigerians see the children already waiting, and choose to open their homes to them.

Not because they're adopted. Every child comes with their own personality, adopted or not. Some children who spent time in an orphanage, especially older ones, may need extra patience while they learn to trust. With the right support, this becomes part of your family's story — not a problem to fix.

Be patient. Be consistent. Don't take early distance personally — trust is built slowly, not demanded. Simple routines and a calm home help a child feel safe. Talk to a counsellor who understands adoption, and connect with other adoptive parents who've walked this road. You are not meant to carry this alone.

Many people feel a baby gives them a fresh start with fewer unknowns. But that's more about fear than fact. Older children wait the longest for a family — not because they're harder to love, but because of this preference. They deserve families too.

Yes, a real one. You get to see who they already are — their personality, their gifts, their story. Many older children remember their own history, which actually helps them hold onto their identity as they grow. And the bond they build with a family who chooses them can run just as deep.

Old beliefs are behind it — the idea that a "real" family must share blood, or that not having a biological child is something to hide. None of that is true, but it runs deep in many communities. Changing it is the whole reason Dignity in Adoption exists.

As early as possible, in words they can understand for their age, and as an ongoing conversation — not one big announcement. Children who grow up knowing their story tend to feel more secure than children who find out later, often by accident. Read our full age-by-age guide →

That's your call. But most adoption professionals suggest being open with the people closest to your child's daily life. One person we'd especially encourage you to tell: your child's pediatrician. They need to know your child was adopted, so they understand which family medical history is known and which isn't, and can watch for anything that wouldn't show up in a biological family history. Beyond that, secrecy often creates more shame than the truth ever would. You don't owe the whole world an explanation — just the people who matter most to your child's care and daily life.

Your pain here is valid. Motherhood is built from love, presence, and sacrifice — not only biology. Find other adoptive mothers who understand. And don't let someone else's outdated thinking define what's true. You are a real mother.

That fear is real, and it's common. But if you wait for everyone's approval, you may wait forever. Many families who once feared judgment found that living their story boldly — instead of hiding it — is exactly what changed how people around them saw adoption.

Start gently. Reassure them that wanting to know your story doesn't mean you love them less. Most loving parents want to support you in this, even if the topic feels tender at first. If it feels too hard to say out loud, a family counsellor can help open the door.

Here's our honest guidance: we don't encourage young children to openly share this at school. It's nothing to be ashamed of — but many people in our society, including other parents, still don't fully understand adoption, and children can sometimes take it out of context in ways that hurt. We are still working to educate adults about adoption, let alone children. This is different from what you might see in other countries, and that's okay. It doesn't mean your story is a secret — it means being thoughtful about when, how, and with whom you share it, until the people around you are ready to understand it the way it deserves to be understood.

That takes courage — and you're not the only one in this position. Try starting simply: say you'd like to talk about your story. No blame, just an honest ask. Many parents who avoid the topic are actually afraid of hurting you, not hiding something bad. Opening the door gently often helps both sides.

It's okay to feel shaken. This is a lot to take in, especially if no one told you sooner. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up — you don't have to "be fine" right away. Talk to someone you trust, or a counsellor who understands adoption. Being adopted doesn't change who you are. But it makes complete sense that finding out this way hurts.

Yes, including brothers and sisters together. Each child still goes through the same process and review.

Before the court finalises anything, you must physically care for the child for a set period first — commonly around three months in Lagos. A social worker checks in during this time and reports back to the court on how things are going. This step protects the child by making sure the placement is truly working before it becomes permanent.

No parent can promise their feelings in advance. But what we see, again and again, after decades of walking with families: love isn't measured out by biology. Many parents with both adopted and biological children say their love runs equally deep for each — just shaped differently by each child's story.

Adoption runs through scripture. Moses, Esther, and Jesus himself were all raised by someone other than their birth parents. For many families, adoption isn't a backup plan after infertility — it's its own calling.