For Church Leaders

1. God Adopted First

Before we talk about human adoption, we need to say something more foundational: adoption did not begin with man. It began with God.

Every person who has put their faith in Jesus Christ has been adopted into God's family. We were not born into God's family by natural birth. Through Christ, God chose to make us His sons and daughters.

• "For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, 'Abba, Father.'" (Romans 8:15)
• "He predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ." (Ephesians 1:5)
• "God sent his Son... to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons." (Galatians 4:5)

This is not a side detail. It is the foundation. Adoption is not a human institution that the church tolerates or accommodates — it is the very picture of the gospel itself. God was under no obligation to adopt us. Yet He chose us, welcomed us into His family, and gave us the full rights and privileges of His children. When a family chooses to adopt a child, they are reflecting, in a small and human way, this same act of God — choosing someone freely, not because they had to.

Once we understand God's own heart for adoption, we begin to notice that this theme quietly runs throughout Scripture.

When you present adoption to your congregation, this is where to begin — not with a family's inability to have a biological child, but with the truth that adoption is, at its root, a divine act before it is ever a human one.

2. Adoption Runs Through Scripture

Adoption is not a modern idea — it runs through the Bible, in more places than most people realise.

Moses was raised by Pharaoh's daughter, in a household that was not his own by blood, and became the deliverer of his people.

Esther was raised by her cousin Mordecai after losing her parents, and became queen of Persia — positioned, scripture tells us, "for such a time as this."

Jesus himself was raised by Joseph, who was not his biological father, yet faithfully embraced the responsibility of fatherhood. Throughout Jesus' childhood, Joseph is recognised and addressed as His earthly father.

Naomi became grandmother to Obed — the son born to Ruth and Boaz — not by blood, but through love and faithfulness. When Obed was born, the women of Bethlehem said, "A son has been born to Naomi" (Ruth 4:17), and scripture tells us Naomi took the child, held him against her, and became his nurse. This child, raised in a family reshaped by loyalty rather than only bloodline, became the grandfather of King David.

Mephibosheth, the crippled son of Jonathan, lost his father and his place in the royal household when Saul's dynasty fell. David sought him out — not out of obligation, but "for Jonathan's sake" — restored his inheritance, and gave him a permanent seat at the king's own table, "as one of the king's sons" (2 Samuel 9:11). Mephibosheth did nothing to earn this. It was given freely.

Scripture treats every one of these as stories of provision and purpose — never as lesser stories of "what should have been."

Each of these stories reminds us that God's purposes have never been limited by biology. Again and again, Scripture shows Him working through families formed by covenant, faithfulness, love and grace.

3. Adoption Is Sometimes God's Plan A

Most couples expect to have biological children when they get married. Adoption is rarely the first path people imagine — not because scripture places it lower, but because our culture does. Many families only begin to consider adoption after years of infertility.

Yet, looking back, some later come to recognise that God had been leading them toward adoption all along. Others may sense that leading much earlier, before infertility ever entered the picture. Every family's story is different, and pastors should be careful not to assume that adoption is simply a consolation prize — something a family settles for once biological parenthood no longer seems possible.

4. Common Things Said in Error

Well-meaning church members and leaders sometimes say things that wound deeply:

• Telling a woman facing infertility to "just pray harder" or "keep fasting," as though choosing another path means she has given up on God.
• Implying that adoption is only for those who "failed" at having biological children.
• Questioning an adopted child's place in a family's lineage or inheritance.

We want to speak plainly about one of these in particular, because we hear it often: blanket counsel to "keep believing" or "keep fasting," offered without genuinely discerning what God may already be saying to that family.

Here is the real cost of that counsel. A woman who has prayed, fasted, and held on for fifteen, twenty, twenty-five years does not experience that advice as encouragement. She experiences it as judgment — as though the moment she considers adoption, she has failed God, given up too soon, or proven her faith wasn't strong enough. Some genuinely come to believe that their inability to conceive means God himself has let them down, after everything they gave in prayer and fasting. That is a heavy, false burden to carry, and it is often placed there by counsel that was well-meant but not well-discerned.

None of this diminishes the importance of discernment — it matters deeply, and if you genuinely sense God leading a specific family to keep believing for a biological child, that is fine. This is simply an invitation to hold that same openness for every family who comes to you, rather than settling into one answer for everyone. Some families are being led toward biological parenthood. Others, just as surely by God's own hand, are being led toward adoption.

Both can be His answer. Neither is a lesser one.

These ideas are not Scriptural — they are cultural assumptions dressed up as spiritual wisdom. Pastors — and those who counsel on their behalf — are in a unique position to correct these assumptions, gently but clearly, without shaming those who may have given this counsel in the past without realising its weight.

5. How to Counsel Someone Considering Adoption

You do not need a theology degree or years of prior exposure to adoption to help someone well. If a family comes to you, or to your counselling team, here is where to start:

1. Listen before you advise. Ask them to tell you their story in their own words first — what has brought them to this point, and what they're feeling. Resist the urge to offer scripture or advice in the first few minutes.
2. Ask, don't assume. Don't assume this is Plan B. Ask directly: "Is this something you feel you were led to, or a path you're considering after other options?" Their answer will shape everything else you say.
3. Pray with them — but let prayer match where they actually are, not where you assume they are. A generic prayer for "breakthrough" that assumes they're still hoping for a biological child can hurt rather than help, if that's not where they stand. Ask them what they'd like prayer for, specifically.
4. Support their decision. Once a family has prayerfully reached a decision, your role shifts from helping them decide to helping them walk it out. Protect their confidence. Adoption conversations are deeply personal — be careful not to share their story or prayer requests publicly without their permission.
5. Point them toward real, practical guidance. You are not expected to know Nigeria's adoption process in detail. Direct them to organisations like Dignity in Adoption, or — if they're in Lagos State — our full step-by-step guide on how to adopt in Lagos → Families outside Lagos follow a similar process through their own state's Ministry of Youth and Social Development, though details vary. Either way, you are not expected to answer legal or procedural questions yourself.
6. Normalise the range of emotions. Grief, hope, guilt, excitement, and fear often arrive together. None of these mean they're doing this wrong.
7. Follow up after the conversation. A single meeting is rarely enough. Check in again in a few days or weeks, even briefly.
8. Equip your counselling team. If your church has a counselling department separate from the lead pastor, this page — and everything on it — belongs in their hands just as much as yours. You do not need to be the one having every conversation personally for your church to get this right.

6. How You Can Support Families From the Pulpit

Speak about adoption as a genuine, celebrated calling — not a fallback. Pray publicly for families walking through infertility and adoption, the same way you would for any other family milestone. Consider hosting a Dignity in Adoption conversation or resource session with your congregation.

7. A Call to Champion Adoption

Your congregation looks to you to set the tone. When you speak of adoption with warmth and truth, you give an entire community permission to do the same.

In Nigeria, this matters in a way it may not elsewhere. For many Christians, pastors are trusted spiritual leaders whose words carry enormous weight — often more than what a spouse or a parent might say. That trust means the words spoken from the pulpit can shape an entire community's understanding of adoption, for better or worse, more powerfully than almost any other single voice.

That is exactly why this page exists. One pastor, speaking this truth clearly to a congregation of even a few hundred people, can help change how an entire community sees adoption. A pastor with a much larger reach can influence thousands more.

This is not a small responsibility. It is one of the most significant ways this movement can grow — not through any one family's story only, but through the leaders that entire communities already trust.

8. Bring This Conversation to Your Church

If your church would like to host a conversation on adoption, equip its counselling team, or learn more about supporting adoptive families, we'd be honoured to help.

Contact Dignity in Adoption →