For Adoptees

Your Story Matters

Whether you are a child, a teenager, or an adult, you may have questions about your life, your family, or where you belong. You may also have feelings that are difficult to name or explain. All of this is completely normal. There is no right or wrong way to experience adoption, and you should never feel ashamed of your questions or your emotions.

At Dignity in Adoption, we believe that every person in the adoption story deserves dignity. That includes you — your experiences, your feelings, and your voice.

This page has been created to support you as you explore your adoption journey, offering understanding, gentle guidance, and practical steps you can take at your own pace.

Adoption Is a Journey, Not Just an Event

Adoption is often spoken about as though it ends when a court grants an adoption order, or when a child joins a new family. In reality, adoption is a lifelong journey.

As you grow, your understanding of your adoption may change. Thoughts or questions that didn't seem important before may become more meaningful later on. This is a natural and healthy part of growing and discovering who you are.

Some days, adoption may feel like a small part of your life. Other days, it may feel more present. Both experiences are valid.

Keep a journal of your thoughts, questions, or feelings as they arise, and revisit them from time to time — you may notice how your perspective changes as you grow. Talk with someone you trust, such as a parent, mentor, counsellor, or another trusted adult, when new thoughts or emotions come up.

Your adoption story is one part of your life. It does not define your worth, your abilities, or your future.

It Is Normal to Have Questions

Many adoptees wonder about things such as:

• Why was I placed for adoption?
• Who are my birth parents?
• Why couldn't they raise me?
• Did they love me?
• Why do I look different from my family?
• Can I love both my birth family and my adoptive family?
• Should I search for my birth relatives one day?

You might relate to some of these questions, or have completely different ones. You may feel curious, uncertain, or even conflicted — and all of that is okay.

Asking questions does not mean you are ungrateful, or that you love your adoptive family any less. It simply means you are trying to understand your own story, which is a natural and important part of understanding yourself.

You'll find more of these questions answered directly in our FAQ, and in our Adoption Myths guide.

Next Steps

• Write down your questions so you can return to them when you feel ready.
• Ask your adoptive parents or guardians what they are able to share.
• Explore age-appropriate books or trusted resources about adoption.
• Consider speaking with a counsellor who understands adoption and can support you without judgment.

Understanding Your Feelings

Every adoptee's experience is unique. Some people rarely think about their adoption. Others think about it often. Many experience a wide range of emotions that can change over time — sometimes even within the same day.

You may sometimes feel curious about your beginnings, grateful for your family, confused about where you belong, sad about things you don't know, happy and secure, frustrated when people make insensitive comments, angry, hurt, or misunderstood, or hopeful about your future.

You might feel several of these at once, or none of them at all. There is no single "right" way to feel about adoption. Your feelings are real, and they deserve to be acknowledged with kindness.

Talk openly with someone who listens without judgment. Use creative outlets like writing, art, or music to express what you're feeling. Try healthy coping practices such as prayer, deep breathing, journaling, or exercise. And if your feelings ever become overwhelming, speaking with a counsellor or therapist can be an important step, not a sign that something is wrong with you.

Your Identity Is Bigger Than Your Adoption

Being adopted is one part of who you are, but it does not define your value or limit your potential.

You are much more than an adoptee. You are a son or daughter. A friend. A student. A professional. A husband or wife. A parent. A neighbour. A person with unique gifts, talents, dreams, and purpose.

Your identity is rich and multi-layered. Your adoption story is one thread in a much bigger and more meaningful life.

Practical Steps

• Explore your interests, talents, and passions.
• Set personal goals that reflect what matters most to you.
• Build relationships that encourage and strengthen you.
• Celebrate your achievements, both big and small.

Talking About Adoption

Every family approaches adoption differently. Some families talk openly about adoption from an early age. Others may find these conversations more difficult, or may not know where to begin.

If you want to talk about your adoption, your desire to do so is valid. At the same time, it's okay if these conversations feel complicated or emotional. Honest, respectful conversations help build trust and strengthen family relationships.

Choose a calm and comfortable time to talk. Begin by sharing how you feel, or asking one simple question. Be patient — with yourself and with others — since these conversations may take time. If it helps, ask a counsellor or another trusted person to help guide the discussion.

Meaningful conversations grow through honesty, kindness, and mutual respect.

Your Adoption Is Not Something to Be Ashamed Of

For many years, some families believed that adoption should be kept secret, hoping secrecy would protect the child from stigma or prevent difficult questions. While every family must make decisions appropriate for their own circumstances, today there is growing recognition that children benefit from learning about their adoption in ways that are appropriate for their age and level of understanding.

Children who grow up knowing their adoption story in a loving, honest, and age-appropriate way are often better able to develop trust, confidence, and a secure sense of identity. When children first learn about their adoption from someone outside their family, or in a way that's unexpected or hurtful, they may feel confused, betrayed, or begin to question whether they can trust the people closest to them.

Adoption should never be used as a threat during disagreements, or as a way of making a child feel different. Saying things like "remember, you're not our real child," or revealing a child's adoption in anger, can cause deep emotional wounds that may last well into adulthood. A child's adoption story should always be shared with love, wisdom, and respect — not as a weapon during moments of conflict.

In many families and communities in Nigeria, adoption is still misunderstood. You may hear comments or questions that make you uncomfortable, or make you feel different. Remember: other people's misunderstandings do not define your identity. You never have to feel ashamed of being adopted.

Every child deserves to grow up knowing they are deeply loved, and that adoption is one part of their story — not something to hide, but something to understand with honesty, dignity, and love.

If you're an adult who has only recently learned you were adopted, our guide on being told as an adult may help make sense of what you're feeling.

If You Are Thinking About Searching for Your Birth Family

Many adoptees become curious about their birth family at some point in their lives. For some, this curiosity is about understanding their origins. For others, it may be about learning their medical history, cultural background, or extended family.

There is no single right time or right decision. Some people choose to search, while others do not. Both choices deserve respect.

Searching for birth relatives can be meaningful, but it can also bring unexpected emotions. It's important to approach this decision carefully and with appropriate support. Our guide on how adoption works in Lagos State explains more about how records are kept in Nigeria.

It's also important to manage your expectations. Record-keeping in Nigeria has not always been consistent, and some orphanages, adoption agencies, or government ministries may have limited information about your birth family or early life. This can make it difficult to trace your origins or answer every question you may have. While this can be disappointing, it does not diminish the value of your story or the significance of your life. At Dignity in Adoption, we continue to advocate for stronger record-keeping practices, so that future adoptees have better access to their personal histories.

Before You Begin

• Talk with your adoptive parents or another trusted adult.
• Seek guidance from an adoption professional or counsellor.
• Learn about the legal and privacy considerations that apply in Nigeria.
• Prepare yourself emotionally for different possible outcomes.

Growing Through Every Stage of Life

Your questions and feelings may change as you grow, and each stage of life brings new opportunities to understand yourself more deeply.

You Are Not Alone

There are many adoptees around the world, each with their own unique story. While no two journeys are the same, many people share similar questions, emotions, and experiences. You do not have to walk this journey alone.

Talk with trusted family members or friends. Connect with counsellors who understand adoption. Join one of our monthly Adoption Conversations webinars, held on the last Sunday of every month. Connect with faith communities that will encourage and support you.

Reaching out for support is a sign of strength.

Faith and Hope

For many people, faith provides comfort, strength, and hope.

Wherever you are in your journey today, remember this: your life has value. Your story matters. Your future is full of hope.

Explore More Resources

This page is only the beginning of your journey. We are developing a growing collection of resources for adoptees, including practical guidance for different stages of life, recommended books, personal stories, and practical tools designed to support you.